life is pain

I am in the us Navy. I was onboard a ship set to deploy to the med. I fel in love with a beautiful young gril on the same ship. I was transfered off the ship do to this. She swore she would wait for me and that our love would survive. but i messed up. I did not trust her i pushed and pushed until i lost her. Then i lost my grandmother the woman that help to raise me. I pushe away the opnly thing in my life that mattered and the only one i truely loved. I feel lost and alone. I lost the woman that made me feel alive and free. She was the greatest thing in the world. She made me feel young and special in the world that is so dark and lost. I truely feel that i nwill be alone forever and i am ok with this because it is what i deserve. She was the only woman i will ever love and he only woman i will ever see my self loving. Katharine was the most special woman in the world she could do no worng. I treated her badly i lied i kept secrets and did not show her the love she so richly deserved. only alone can i attempt to atone for what i have done to her. If any reads this and ever crosses her path smile and tell her that she was loved more dearly that she will ever know. I will live my life in regret knowing that i lost the best thing that could ever happen to a person like me. the only thing in my life that was pure and true. Katharine was the greatest love anyone could ever hope for.